My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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