I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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