Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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