I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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