the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
