I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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