On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
