Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
