I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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