I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
