Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
