I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
