Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
