I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
