Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
