do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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