I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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