I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
