So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize