All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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