You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
