She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
