what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
