I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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