ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im six kinds of drunk right now
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i came on her dog
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
