just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
