We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize