I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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