Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
