How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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