Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
