My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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