My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
