finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
