Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
