cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize