dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
