There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
