he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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