i need an iv and a liver transplant
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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