I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize