dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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