I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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