I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
