I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
