Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
