bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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