Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
