I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
