Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
