i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
