We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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