Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
