wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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