See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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