I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
