Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
