I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also, beer. Big fan.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
