I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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