Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize