Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
