I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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