Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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