HIV tests are more positive than that guy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
