I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize