This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
