My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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