If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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