I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize