Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
