wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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