Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
