I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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