my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize