i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
