It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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