I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
