i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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