After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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