It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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