There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
