Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
