I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
