As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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