Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize