i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
