I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
