Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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