Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
