His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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