I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
