I think I won the penis lottery.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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