Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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