I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
