you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
