So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
