now i know why i became what i already was.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So much rum. So many feels.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
