This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
