i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
