Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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