Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
