You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
