Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
