ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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