what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
