dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
