Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
