Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
