there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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