At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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