can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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